and here it goes...loosing my chance...

i did not expect but i hoped... hoped to reach the top, the highest honor as i finish college...

but today, i know that i have lost that chance. It hurts...it is so frustrating... for almost 3 years of staying in STI, i have tried so hard to prove to myself and to everyone else that i can do it. That this chance can be my gift not just to myself but to my parents as well.

almost 4 months to go for graduation, when the guy from STI Tacloban enrolled here in Iloilo. Learning that he's got a GWA of 1.22 and hearing that he had finished almost 90% of his thesis made me feel pressured. Made me feel loosing. I hate it!!!

I know this is God's will but this really hurts. Disappointing. Frustrating. That's how i can define my situation right now. At a point earlier, i wanna complain. Why in Iloilo? There's a lot more STI Colleges in Manila. Why specifically here? I really hate it!

Somehow I have accepted my defeat. Maybe all I can do now is to do my best for my remaining subjects. 

I am just sorry for myself, my parents and mommy Janice... 

Hey Bestfriend!!! A message for you...

When weirdness, depression, confusion and busy moments will be mixed...i turn to a bitch... i try not to be one but..oh well...

I must tell you this... I saw you last 100113 when you were about to enter the jeepney with her. I entertained the idea of ignoring you because as you may know... i don't want to talk to you when I am mad at you because I don't wanna break down and say or blurt my heart out ng todo-todo walang preno-preno... and the fact na ayoko makipagplastikan...

why am i in Filipino?kasi po...nahiya naman ako...taga Metro ka na eh..hiya naman ako baka di mo naintindihan..lol..kidding!

to Torah...

oh well... i don't know if you'd understand my side but i guess you know me... and if ever things will get better, just ask me about this by that time...

Thoughts of things... of life... of love...

To say that i am happy with what i have now is true. Yes, somehow there is in-contentment but that's simply normal ain't it? 

Each and everyone's journey in life is a roller coaster ride. Maybe, like the usual quote - "ang buhay parang gulong, minsan ika'y nasa itaas at minsan ika'y nasa ibaba'. There are times that we are simply holding on because we have to whenever challenges and problems come in our way. It's like we are just doing things without no efforts at all. How about instead of wallowing and dipping our self more into that problem, let's enjoy it. Let's view things and situations in the brighter side. Find a way to surpass it as well as enjoy it. :)

I know that sounds kind of weird. Well, I am weird. :D

My life may not be the same as anyone else' but it is as difficult. It is just masked in a different scenario. I have failures, disappointments, frustrations...but I also have wonderful memorable happy moments. Life way back was so bland. No thrills. No frills. Then, it came to the point where I was given the chance to choose. To risk or to not in order for me to be happy and satisfied, I've chosen to risk.

I've risked myself, my future to transfer schools despite what other people say. And here I am, a 4th year Bachelor of Science in Computer Science in the coming school year in STI. It took me so long but now...just a year more and I am facing the real world.

I've risked going to Manila-Baguio despite the disapproval of my parents (I feel bad about it though), but if I didn't been so persistent, I wont be able to meet the wonderful people and be in Baguio and Star City :) I had a wonderful time with Ate Vhie, Ate Dahl, Ate Mitzi, Ate Mel, Ate Mon, Ate Joanne and Kuya Ryan.

I also risked going to the GT. That's the most scary adventure so far. I've been in Manila for less than 24hours and thanks for my sponsors and to the angels who helped me. In this event, I was able to meet James Reid and Tricia Santos personally. Had been so close to them even :)

And I guess... the most epic risk I did is for me to conquer my fear of joining school events. Well, without the support of those people behind me, I won't do it. And because I did, I achieved things I didn't expect I will and even go to places I just usually hear of.

Those are just some of the risks I made...

And one thing I can't risk now... coz I am not ready yet... is to be in a relationship again (chos!!!)

Well... some may say that to have a relationship is okay while studying. It's all about balance. The thing is, I know I can't balance them. 

I don't deny the fact that I somehow envy couples. I always wonder how it feels all over again to be in-love. I am always in-LIKE :) But the fear of being in a relationship is creeping me. I don't want to disappoint myself again, so I'm gotta chill with LOVE> Let's be contented with simple mere inspirations. (Hi Baby Rich - DJ Buddah and Young JV)

Love... Mr. the One, whoever you may be...Let's meet each other someday.

If you're already around, wait for me If you can. Let's work and strive for our dreams first and meet halfway :p

taking about crazy... too much reading of stories...

but then...

i was just sharing my thoughts :D

I met a jerk named Seven -- my thoughts and opinion

pathetic :p Just done reading a Wattpad story entitled "I Met a Jerk Named Seven". Somehow that story triggered the past to be remembered. Haaaay...

I just had a bucket of tears (exaggeration..dope!).

It talks about somebody who has been all alone after a tragic event in her life. She lost her dad and eventually lost her mom as well. Her mom who lost her mind somehow and even tried to kill her. She haven't felt the love and affection she yearned for. And she was even fooled by the thoughts and thirst of having someone to love and care for her to the extent that she had been a selfish bitch and even considered to give up her best friend who trusted her.

But there is this guy who tried to make fun of her simply because he had caught her doing the utmost stupidity ever and who also tried to put some sense on her mind.

When everything was revealed and when she had really felt that she was abandoned and all alone, she tried to kill herself by jumping in a bridge. Seven was there, who just realized how special she is to him and he saved her. Well, she survived death and have her friends back. They reconciled plus a bonus of having Seven as her boyfriend but she didn't end up marrying him but they were friends.

----- Hmmmmm...

One thing I am sooooo thankful for is that I gave my parents who are there for me. Maybe in some point of my life, I thought I am neglected and that I am the only person who commits mistake in their eyes. But during that one downfall of mine, I had my mom to catch me. The first time I have ever cried and shared what I feel to her. And even when people where scrutinizing me and questions the fact that why I transferred school and why I didn't graduate in time, I had my father saying that I shouldn't mind those people. They are all just bunch of nitwits who didn't understand my situation and that I should hold on coz they are there supporting me in my journey. Honestly, that time when my father and I had that talk, I really felt loved. I mean, that was one rare event and I really treasure it sooooo much. Another most valued moment of mine is when I won 2nd place during the PRISAA Computer Quiz Competition. They said, most especially my father that they are so proud of me. :)

Annika (the girl I was talking about) have Seven as her hero, her friend. Somehow, I also have mine... and maybe people knows who is it. Yeah... It is Gabrielle Isaac Aquino. Funny how he tried to punch some sense in my mind when I was so tatanga-tangahan with Maffy before. Also that time when I was so vulnerable and he stood up for me, cheered me up and how he made me happy. Right now, I can't tell what is our status. All i know is that what we have is complicated. My relationship with him is a mistake, if truth be told. He lives far away from me and he's got a girlfriend but he claims he loves me. As of the moment, we have no commitment with each other but I consider it that we are over. But we have a deal before...we will see each other in 3 years time. And if we are not committed with anybody, maybe we're really meant to be.

Honestly, I don't rely on the meant to be crap. I only want to meet him to fill out the empty spaces of knowing him personally despite everything and I am also hoping that we can still be friends. Good friends. :) But if not, well... that's simply how life goes right? You can't have all you want.

I am in a roller coaster ride to describe what my life is. I have my ups and downs where I have experienced almost all emotions. I can't say I am strong for every challenge but I am taking risks and I simply enjoy each of them. And one thing that holds me up is the thought that I have my parents behind me, my family and my friends. If they were not around, I maybe just another lonesome netizen who is socially incapable to do things. For that, I thank my family and friends for being there. :p

Problems are merely challenges that makes us more stronger in facing life as we go on with our journey in life. Let us not these test cripple us. Take risks to give your life journey a twist and some action. You may be hurt but that is just one of the spices to make your life more meaningful. Never give up and enjoy what life offers for you. :D

Night Time Dazzle on the Red Carpet

STI College Iloilo had its Grand Ball for the year 2013 at the Miltonia Hall, Amigo Terrace Hotel last February 28.

What can i say?

Did i enjoy?

Maybe?

Somehow?

but I am definitely sure not much!

I am the emcee all night...no time for fun...

and i didn't felt so well that night maybe because of all the activities...lack of sleep...everything...

I didn't have much pictures for the record -_-

anyway..here are some of the pictures taken from the event...

mga panakaw kong sandali :'(

say whutt about posing like a dork on the red carpet? :p

i actually expect to have a picture with sir ronnie and maam che but i don't know why amado joined....hmmmmm

can't a girl have her moment dude?

with the faculty and staff :)

at our hotel room...not so haggard yet 

to be with this rowdy group is terrific!!! hahaha

camera alert people...oh wait!!! i thought it was just us???

with rovie...one of my langga :) the secretary of the SISSC 2012-2013

me and maam nanci look like sisters here with all the golds :D

at the registration area..waiting for the assigned council

here i go doing the emceeing

the dorky boys on the booth :D

a talk about him...coz i miss him

It has been what? Hmmm...4 years... That's how long I've known and adored him. Who am I talking about? Who else?..

The feeling is not as intense as before but still, he will remain special forever.

Waiting... yeah, I am waiting for the right time that maybe...we will be together someday. But then, I have already accepted my defeat :) I know that there is a higher chance of defeat than of success.

Just last week, one of his cousins that i am closed with asked me if i miss him. I admitted that yes, I miss him. Kuya then asked me if i still love him, I also said yes but then there is the fact that like what i said awhile ago, it's not like as that of before.

His absence, and neglect of me made me realize how unimportant i am to him. :) Maybe he did love me, but he doesn't want to risk. Or he doesn't love me enough to take the risk. How ironic... I love him. And did even thought before that he is THE ONE, but then, I guess not.

I remembered the time when I spilled out my thoughts and everything that bothers me to Tammy (Fatima). She said that in a relationship there is the LUST and LOVE. And she concluded that Gabb (yeah...Gabb again and again and again) do love me... emphasis to the word LOVE and lesser LUST because he was not sure of the outcome of us. And she also said that maybe he stands for Veronica because even he have lesser LOVE for her, he LUST her plus the fact that she is near him.

Well, maybe Tammy is right. I don't know. I can't tell.

The last times that Gabb and I talked was just so so. And I somehow felt that it's like he was just forced to do that and it hurts.

This time, despite the idea of me prioritizing my studies, I am open for relationship. I don't want to stuck myself to him. The thing is... like what I have planned before, when I will be starting my journey in the real world, I will go in Pangasinan and meet up with him.  Not to ruin any relationship he is having but to complete myself and yearning for him. :)

Too much him...

If we are meant to be...we will be together and I will really be happy and Thanks Papa God if ever...

But if not... I'd still be happy and sad at the same time but still Thanks to Papa God. I know that he will always have better plans for me. :)