It has been what? Hmmm...4 years... That's how long I've known and adored him. Who am I talking about? Who else?..
The feeling is not as intense as before but still, he will remain special forever.
Waiting... yeah, I am waiting for the right time that maybe...we will be together someday. But then, I have already accepted my defeat :) I know that there is a higher chance of defeat than of success.
Just last week, one of his cousins that i am closed with asked me if i miss him. I admitted that yes, I miss him. Kuya then asked me if i still love him, I also said yes but then there is the fact that like what i said awhile ago, it's not like as that of before.
His absence, and neglect of me made me realize how unimportant i am to him. :) Maybe he did love me, but he doesn't want to risk. Or he doesn't love me enough to take the risk. How ironic... I love him. And did even thought before that he is THE ONE, but then, I guess not.
I remembered the time when I spilled out my thoughts and everything that bothers me to Tammy (Fatima). She said that in a relationship there is the LUST and LOVE. And she concluded that Gabb (yeah...Gabb again and again and again) do love me... emphasis to the word LOVE and lesser LUST because he was not sure of the outcome of us. And she also said that maybe he stands for Veronica because even he have lesser LOVE for her, he LUST her plus the fact that she is near him.
Well, maybe Tammy is right. I don't know. I can't tell.
The last times that Gabb and I talked was just so so. And I somehow felt that it's like he was just forced to do that and it hurts.
This time, despite the idea of me prioritizing my studies, I am open for relationship. I don't want to stuck myself to him. The thing is... like what I have planned before, when I will be starting my journey in the real world, I will go in Pangasinan and meet up with him. Not to ruin any relationship he is having but to complete myself and yearning for him. :)
Too much him...
If we are meant to be...we will be together and I will really be happy and Thanks Papa God if ever...
But if not... I'd still be happy and sad at the same time but still Thanks to Papa God. I know that he will always have better plans for me. :)
