Emotional Turmoil (111116)

Back in the days... Teaching is a big no-no for me. Then, tutorials started where i have felt fulfillment. While studying, i have teached special classes. After grad, I became an instructor for a year. A year of awesome experience where I loved teaching more. I actually had plans, we had plans. I had plans to delve in myself more in the academic field (getting units and even getting MS..lol).

The thing is everywhere else, anywhere else... Whatever group or organization you may be, there will always be people who will root for your success or failure. Unfortunately, the negative ones prevailed and i didn't pushed through with whatever plans i had. I was so hurt to leave everything behind (my students, mentors, friends and all the laid plans) that the drive to push myself for the academe was eventually lost. I am still bitter about it, that I admit now because it's still painful for me and I miss everything. I have accepted it but you can't blame me. It hurts you know!

To those people who inflicted me such? Have i forgiven them? If I am in my normal state of emotions, I can say yes but I will never forget. But as of the moment...i can't help but blame them and that person who ruined my plans. At some point, it made me feel helpless as F.

I made a choice for myself and I am side tracking now, to achieve my forever dream. It's like taking another way to reach my destination and skipping the paved way i had made in my mind. Someday hopefully, I can still push the plans of being a part of the academe.

I miss teaching, especially in a classroom envi...seriously. And I kind of not like this negative feeling I've got. So bitter. So negative.